I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
