Soap is not a condiment
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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