Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
