i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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