What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
