Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
