I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sorry my hands just texted you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
