Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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