I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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