Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We are all done wearing pants today
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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