Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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