do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
