I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
