I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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