i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
