Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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