He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
