I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
