I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
