Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
