FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
