Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize