I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
