So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
do nipples grow back?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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