Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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