She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
