I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I could fuck to npr.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
