Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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