Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
