Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
