whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
