I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
