So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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