I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
