You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize