i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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