I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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