Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
