I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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