we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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