oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
