Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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