We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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