i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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