I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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