We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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