The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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