I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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