dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
