"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
