Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
