well I can't set my house on fire every night
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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