I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
