I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
