Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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