The maid of honor just puked.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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