Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
