There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
