Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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