So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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