In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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