Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
