I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
