Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
