Whod you bang
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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