Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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