Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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