i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
