Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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