I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
