Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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