You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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