She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize